Have been putting off starting this post for days - not knowing what to say to myself or you. I am unwell, have been for numerous weeks, and whatever the underlying cause of chronic fatigue it has been exacerbated at altitude; bringing me to the point of collapse and acknowledgement that something is wrong.

I will not start racing in Las Vegas this weekend.

I will not be training for a while.

I dont know why, whereto, or for how long.

I have suspected foul play since the Sani2c-Giro-Brazil effort, and just not been able to get on top of my fatigue. Each week it was a different justification, different reasoning, and despite 3 blocks of 4days rest I was still caught in small micro-cycles of trying, failing, resting. I kept hope that it would settle once here in Truckee where life compared to The Bosch is greatly simplified. But instead, either just with time or with time and altitude, the fatigue has become unbearable.

The past week I’ve been feeling weak and incapable of doing much more than shuffle between bed, kitchen and couch; followed closely by my dull headache best friend. Getting to the point of accepting and acknowledging that something on a biochemical level is not right become the last option.

I spent a small fortune on blood tests this Monday - with no clear explanation in yesterdays results. At first I’d hoped it would be low iron levels, a common endurance athlete vice, but my levels are fine despite cutting back on meat over the past months. We tested for everything it seems, except the Limes disease test which seemed too expensive. So I now know I dont have Aids, my prostate is functional and I am 24 years, 9months and 18 days old. Sure, there are some slightly higher and some slightly lower values, but nothing to explain the chronic fatigue and haze I’m in.

A day or two I’m able to bluff through, and even a session here and there. But then the crash comes.

I have an insatiable appetite for sleep; 12- 14h at night and long daily naps - but keep waking in no clearer space than when going to sleep. Usually some serious rest would restore me to neutral in a day or two, but not now. Something is broken.

My test for Mononucleosis, or Glandular Feaver as its known back home, came back negative, but the test has a high false-negative percentage and still seems to be the diagnosis that the physician felt was most probable. Apparently a patient has a normal blood profile be down with Mono. There are further tests that would be more specific and reliable, but more expense and no change in treatment: rest and time.

I dont know what to do from here really. I am trying to take small steps, slow the decision making. I would like to stay in the USA, I dont have conviction to pack it in just yet, even if racing is only months away. I may need to get to lower elevation for speeded recovery, but I’ve not thought much of that.

I do know that something is wrong, and I’m trying respect that.

In the short run, I wont be attending the Xterra USA Series opening event in Las Vegas this weekend. I need to be in San Diego on Monday. Beyond that nothing is planned.

So many emotions to process - I’ve had such a long positive build up, and have visualized racing on the Lunar landscape at Vegas too many times. I’d reinvented so much of my usual life and routine, and in been in great space. 5weeks back in Brazil it felt like I was in the best swim, bike and run form I’d ever been in. Alas. A wise friend in Stellenbosch talks about “layers”. “One layer at a time, layer upon layer.” If this be the end of one, then it was the best one I’ve laid down.

My disappoint is immense, and will be shared by many who have contributed to my build up. Am sorry for it.

It could be worse, its pure white outside after all. The snow, like my fatigue, will melt at some point.